Why Me?

Posted Fri May 31, 2002 in

I’m 49 years old yesterday. I sit here in my mother-in-law’s recliner, listening to the bustle of others interacting and preparing lunch. I just responded to an email from a friend, a young woman I’ve known for a number of years, an athlete, a college student. She came to visit the other night and we talked about her life and her concerns. She has some medical problems, but it looks like they’ll be resolved without surgery. Thank God for that. I was just reflecting on why in the world she’d hang out with a middle-aged man; she, so young and full of potential, gorgeous, and strong.

It’s not in having what you want…
It’s wanting what you’ve got…

I reflect on why God would put these people in my life. I can number the individuals on my fingers and I’m astounded that they put with me, an old curmudgeon. I understand why my wife and children put up with me, after all, we’re kinda tied together. But the others, a doctor, a mom, a network engineer, a school teacher, and the rest. They’re not required to put up with me by blood ties. Yet, they do.

It’s befuddling.

Some say that I bring a lot to the table, but I don’t see it. I just do what I do, because that’s what I’m called to do. I do it whether I feel like it or not. Sometimes my heart just isn’t in it, yet my personal integrity calls me to do anyway, so I do. Those are the times I’d rather be out riding my motorcycle, spending time outside enjoying God’s creation. Or I’d rather chase my grandson around, or my youngest son. Yet, I do… sometimes, my heart is lifted just in the doing, sometimes I just run by the numbers. It doesn’t matter. I do.

I once received an anonymous letter, written in a hand that was clearly struggling to find the right words. The writer explained how what I do impressed them because I so clearly communicated that I worshipped God. They wanted to tell me that they missed my playing on the worship team. I hear what they say, and I do love my God, but I don’t see it.

Why would God put these people in my life? I know that they love me, despite my failings. I see it when they come and pray over Oldest Son or Wife. I see it when they clasp my hand or offer a hug. I see it when they put a card in my church mailbox. I hear it in my mind’s ear when I read an email, be it originated by the sender or a forward of something that amused or touched them. But, I still don’t get it. I don’t see the lovable part of me at all.

Why did God put these people in my life?

Maybe because He loves me too.