"Why Me" Reprise

Posted Mon Jun 2, 2008 in

Six years ago I wrote Why Me?. It was during one of the hardest times of my life. Older Son was a mess. My relationship with Wife was a mess. I was in the midst of a clinical depression. I understood little of what was happening to me. In other words, it was a very bad time.

A couple of thoughts occur to me, now, six years later. First of all, I survived clinical depression, perhaps only by the grace of God. I still have memories of how I felt during that time. I remember how difficult it was to do much of anything. I remember the feelings that I just wanted to be left alone to evaporate. I spent a lot of time on the road listening to music. Much of that music I purchased during that period of my life. There are lots of emotions attached to some of those songs and the return in a flood, sometimes, when I hear the music. It makes me think back to those times and marvel where I am now.

Second, it’s hard for me to believe I’m still here in the blogosphere after nearly seven years. I know it’s auto-back-patting when I write that, but it’s amazing I can look back at things from about seven years ago (September will be Numero Siete). I am astounded that I keep after this, even in this diluted fashion1.

I still have no answer to the question posed seven years ago. I’m not sure it’s important to answer that question. It is important to keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward. There is no standing still; there is only forward or backward. I still have a few things I’d like to see and like to do. I think I’ll keep my focus on those things, my family, and my friends. I still believe I serve God when I do what I think I should do because it’s the right thing to do.

1 That reminds me I need to finish the me-me meme!

  1. Life just IS and we are not to question it. In His hands all things that are our life will be made possible.

    — Glenna    3 June 2008, 12:36    #

  2. You are most correct when you say “Life Just Is.” However, I disagree about questioning it. I think asking hard questions about life and living is a good thing. I’m not talking about questioning in the way most people do, when they ask God “Why is this happening to me?”

    That wasn’t my intent. “Why Me?” is a question I never asked God. It occurred to me to ask it, but then I thought about it more and decided that is one of those unanswerable questions that I’ll reserve for my time in front of the throne.

    I was really thinking about how odd it is that someone actually cared about what was going on — what I was doing, what I was being. That was something that astonished me. It’s still a bit disconcerting, even after all the time passed since I first ruminated on the notion.

    And then again, maybe I should just let it be.It is what it is.

    — ruminator    3 June 2008, 18:52    #

  3. Since I spent many years fighting depression and at one time an extremely deep depression, my question was answered. Anytime one goes through “a time” whether it be depression, drugs, alchohol, etc, is a tool to help others through theirs. I found that all of a sudden, I can sniff depression a mile off and I am not shy about somehow letting someone know, I understand. And look, you can be really a nut like me! Often just knowing someone truly understands is enough. Sometimes, more often than not, it takes more. But that outstretched hand is sure a comfort. I know it was to me.

    — alisa    11 June 2008, 08:03    #

  4. You might not believe this, but I thought about this exact same thing myself.

    When we went through such hard times with Older Son’s issues, I understood that the experience prepared me to understand the struggles of other families. The circumstances might not be the same, but many of the emotions and responses are exactly the same. Therefore, I was equipped to relate.

    Although I had no counsel to offer, I could offer understanding and sympathy or empathy. Wife and I were able to offer that to others.

    You’re right.

    — ruminator    13 June 2008, 05:05    #

  5. You wouldn’t mind putting that last sentence in writing, sign it, date it, frame it, and sending it to me would you??? :-)

    — alisa    16 June 2008, 07:43    #

  6. What, the “you’re right”? I’ll provide such, of course. I don’t recall ever saying (or implying) that I thought otherwise. ;)

    — ruminator    17 June 2008, 05:18    #

  7. Puh-leeze…..turn that little sign over from the nice side!!!!!!

    — alisa    17 June 2008, 05:55    #

  8. :-p

    — ruminator    17 June 2008, 06:12    #

  9. Where are you?

    — alisa    9 July 2008, 11:25    #

  10. I’m still around. I haven’t had much energy to write lately. I’ll have to tell a bit of the story.

    — ruminator    10 July 2008, 18:15    #