Creativity
Posted Tue Feb 3, 2009 in
Ruminations
Angel wandered in the other morning when I began this essay. She hopped up in my lap for attention. She does that often early in the morning when I’m the only one up. If she hears me moving around, she’ll seek me out. She was interested in the magazine on my desk and I snatched this (poor) image of her with my iPhone. I’m amused…
I am subscribed to the blogging lite school these last few weeks (months). It occurred to me Sunday morning that I haven’t put much effort into my essays of late. I realized this while reading Jim and Deb that I’m missing something in my writing1.
Neither have I been writing much in my off-line (paper) journal as well1. I take fits and spurts where I produce text — some “summer vacation” writing and some more substantial work — but I’m not seriously writing in either venue; I am a dilettante.
I suppose this is OK, but I’m not OK with it. When I started my weblog seven years ago, it was an experiment in creative writing and self-publication. I wanted a place to publicly express some of things experienced and thought. As I review the last couple of years, there are less of what I would call my on-entries, (for example, On Principles) and more of what I call my-summer-vacation entries2.
Like I said, this is OK and not at the same time. I also notice I am not nurturing my artist and not pursuing any art form. I work, play at World of Warcraft (some), go to the shooting range, and shop some. I am not going to art galleries, museums, or to hear live music. Neither am I playing my instrument regularly. I think this needs to change, if I can muster the gumption to do it. I should read more, write more, and go see creative things and people more. I should plan some trips to go make photographs and see some of the historic places here in Nevada (and, perhaps [gulp], California).
I also need to make some physical changes. Because work consumes so much of my energy, I have little left over to work out and I need to be working out. I avoid going to the club first thing in the morning because that’s my most productive time (early before everyone else gets started). By the end of the day, I’m exhausted (mentally) and can’t muster the energy to heat up my body. However, I’m also noticing the changes that come with 55-years of life. If I don’t get after this soon, the opportunity may pass and I won’t be able to. I’m not OK with that either.
So, I see I need to make changes. I think the trick will be to figure out what changes I want, then plan for an incremental series of small changes that sum to where I want to be, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I’ve been putting these things on hold, giving my energy to work and waiting to see what comes next. Instead, I think I need to decide what comes next, put my faith in God that he’s given me the faculties to make such plans, and then move ahead.
The honest truth is that I think I’ve been at a way-station for the last couple of years. We did not buy a house; we made no commitment to this place. We’re in in a holding pattern waiting for the other shoe to drop, whatever that might be. We face a number of uncertainties. Daughter and her family might be leaving Alaska for the lower 48 sometime soon. I have trouble accepting that my job situation is stable; the recent downturn in the economy further reduces my confidence. I honestly don’t know what comes next. Perhaps I just need to make a decision and go with it.
I am committed to my work. I’m just not sure we’re staying here. I don’t really know why I think that, but it is what I think. Again, it may be that I just have to make a decision and move forward. I don’t like waffling like this. I pray for guidance, but no answer seems to be forthcoming. Perhaps that’s because this is just my decision to make. Again, I don’t know.
1 This doesn’t mean I’m not writing, though. I’m writing a lot — professionally. It seems that most of my written works are professional reports or proposals of one kind or another. I’m also doing a lot of editing of colleagues’ work. That’s normal too, but it does tend to reduce the amount of energy I have for my own writing.
2 On my summer vacation, I…
OK. You have hit upon several pieces of similarity and I can’t help but think that some of the creative sides of people, in general, are similar.
I posted about it, but the issues I see are working with words, aging, our physical health, and not being settled into one spot.
It’s too uncanny to not think about it.
— Deb Smouse 3 February 2009, 20:07 #There’s a lot of stuff in my archives on this, but I’m too lazy to go searching. :)
I came to the conclusion a long time ago that bright and creative people are also often quite messed1 up. It’s an interesting observation and I’m not sure if it’s a necessary or sufficient condition (the messed up part).
It’s somewhat difficult to talk about, because it sounds like I’m bragging or something. I don’t mean to be, but the topic is interesting. So, once in awhile it pops out anyway. And then it sounds like I’m arrogant, all thinking I’m smart or something. :)
1I really wanted to use a different word here, but decided to be “nice.”
— ruminator 3 February 2009, 20:29 #