A few weeks ago the Girl and I went out for a geocaching run. We visited John C. Rudy County Park in York County, PA. There are supposed to be five geocaches in the park. But, we found only one. Still, one is good.
But, far beyond that, we had a beautiful day for a four or five mile hike, lots of beautiful foliage, and the park was not very busy. It was a very good day.
Although I have not written about it (yet), I upgraded my mobile phone from the HTC One M7 I used for the last year or so to an iPhone 6S. It’s a story that reflects how my mind jumps around… or perhaps it’s that I’m am a Gemini… or maybe that I’m a scanner. Regardless, I tend to bounce around quite a lot, I have too many interests, and I have too little focus. Meh…
I woke this morning to a dreary day. One of the things I love about having an iPhone again is that all my favorite photography apps are again available to me. The iPhone camera might not be amazing, but it’s solid. One of my commitments is to get out and make one good image a day. This morning, this is probably that image.
I made this capture more than ten-years ago. Wife and I were on an outing to the Barnes & Noble in Lubbock — it was still in the strip mall where Circuit City and other stores were magnets — and having a great day. We were sitting near the big windows near the front of the store, looking at books or magazines or what-not. It doesn’t matter. We were together and we were enjoying the time out.
Of course, I had a camera on me. She caught me in the act of capturing her candid portrait. I have another capture from that morning of her entire face. But it was these eyes that captured my photographer’s vision. I also adored her eyes. I’m so glad I have this image in my collection.
Yesterday was her birthday. She would have been 63-years old, had lymphoma not taken her from us.
She died early on a Saturday morning. I know I write about this too often, but it is my reality and it’s my weblog. Saturdays will always be a little hard on me. While everyone else is looking forward to the beginning of their weekend, I have that little reminder in the back of my mind that pokes me now and again to remember that Saturday morning. No, it’s not morbid; it is, though, a reminder of my loss and a part of my history.
So, the weekend was a downer for me. I remember celebrating her birthday, if not with family and friends, then with each other. I used to tease her about being married to an older woman… or about robbing the cradle… or about being a cougar. Sometimes I teased her about all three. Then I’d catch a bit of Hell on my birthday when I “caught up” for a few months.
I am thankful for all those years we had. I wish we’d had more, at least a couple of them. Near the end, that’s all I wished for… a couple more years so we could celebrate life together for just a little longer.
I still weep a bit now and again. The memory of Wife remains close at hand. Some tell me that they’re proud of me for being strong, for doing what I need to do to continue moving forward. Perhaps… More likely I’m just surviving for the moment because I have no idea where the path goes. I don’t know if there is one path before me or a countably infinite number of them. Maybe that doesn’t matter either. Maybe my task is just to put one foot forward. Maybe clarity will come from that.
I don’t know.
What I do know, however, is that I miss Wife and that yesterday was her birthday. Happy Birthday Old Girl! I still miss ya!
At Older Grandson’s game last Friday, the sun came peeking out just before sundown and provided some nice light for a few minutes. I took advantage of the light to shoot some action. Although I was too far away for the best view, the Panasonic DS40 has a lot of reach for a compact camera. That’s one reason I have the little camera — it has more reach than any of my current stable of lenses for the X-T1. The Fuji makes much nicer images, but without the reach much interest would be lost.
So, I take the compact camera to games and sometimes come away with a few nice captures.
Time here with my family is healing. It’s good to spend time with them, even if I’m just watching TV with them or watching them play video games.
Hrmmmm… I thought I posted this frame some time ago. Well, no matter.
A few weeks ago I wandered out of my room and noticed Daughter nurturing Youngest Grandson. It is her way of waking him most mornings and a part of their interaction. It was such a sweet, tender moment and screamed for a shot. Neither can be identified from the frame, so I feel safe in posting this.
What I see is A Mother’s Love, which is something that is deeply embedded in us. I can’t recall the number of times I watched Wife with the kids. Her relationship was not the same as Daughter’s is with her family, but yet it is. That means that their behaviors are different but the meaning is the same.
It is about two months and change since I arrived here. It has been good for me to be around Daughter and her family. The craziness of family life is nothing new to me. No, I have not forgotten what it was like. It might have been years ago, but the recollection is still close at hand.
My prayer is that my presence does not disturb their family. I worry that it might, but I am not yet ready to move on toward whatever it is that God has in mind for me. Perhaps that’s fear. I am not yet sure. But I am sure that I love being around this family — my family.