My sleep is currently running the split shift. I hit the rack about my normal time (2100), sleep until about 0200–0300, wake and am for a while, then return to bed and sleep a bit more. Lately I wake from dreaming. These are journaling opportunities and I usually sit at my work table with my fountain pen and journal and write what I remember and then think about what it might mean.

I think dreams are some combination of subconscious processing and subconscious communication. I am aware that the subconscious part of my mind is a tremendous storehouse of information not directly accessible to my conscious mind and a great powerhouse processor of those materials. I’m also aware that language is not the mode of communication for the subconscious/conscious link. Herein is where I think dreams can be important.

I have no doubt that I’m processing a lot of changes over the last two years. When Jimmy and I met for coffee yesterday (Yes!), he mentioned that he’s watched my changes over the last couple of years. I am processing a lot of changes, both the external and internal versions thereof.

But I am ahead of my story. After I finished my morning routine yesterday, I asked Young Son to watch over the Girl for a few minutes while I made a short errand run. I shipped three boxes to my distant children and bought a couple more heavy shelving units for the garage. It was just faster/easier without the Girl, although I missed her company (as always).

When I returned home (less than an hour), the Girl wiggled and jumped on me in excitement. I love how dogs are like that. Young Son and I assembled the shelves (only two minor mistakes that were easily rectified) and put a few of the remaining boxes on them.

There are still a few more boxes to sort through. Some of that material is the remaining portion of my journal paper library and I’ll simply scan those, then process them over the winter months. The paper can be discarded. There are also some more books in some boxes. I’ll need to open those, review them, and decide whether they are keepers or they are going away. There are still about 20 cartons of old records for me to go through and grind. I finished a box yesterday and will do another today.

I think I can arrange my garage with just a bit of work so that my 4Runner will fit inside and there will be room for me to use my exercise equipment.

I am about to enter a new phase of my life. I will continue to grieve the loss of Wife and will continue to miss her terribly for some time to come, perhaps forever. The initial purge of all the low-hanging fruit is nearly complete. I am almost done dealing with all those material things that needed dealing with. There will be a second (and maybe a third) purge, but that work will be more challenging (many decisions to be made) and can be done over the winter months because less outside (garage) work is required.

With my major tasks behind me, I will be free to pursue those things that interest me. As part of that path I want to get back to a regular exercise regimen. I can’t say I enjoy strength training, because the resistance of my body to being pushed hard is physically unpleasant at times. However, I take great satisfaction from completing each session and the physical and mental benefits are substantial.

I want that back in my life. I want the benefits that come from the regular discipline of exercise.

So with my garage substantially cleared of stored materials and my first purge coming to closure, I feel like I can redirect some of the time and energy consumed by that to regular exercise again. I think I need this both mentally and physically and I’m looking forward to the experience.

The afternoon was spent with my friend Jimmy, who completed his grueling Burning Man time. A part of his duties is to ferry RVs back and forth to the playa for his employer. God-only-knows how many round trips he makes every year and it’s a tough gig. So, he was happy to have a day off and I was happy to spend it talking to a friend over iced tea. The Girl was there with us and she enjoys Jimmy and the time out and about. I don’t think we solved all the world’s problems, but we sure examined a few of them.

It’s smoky again this morning, so a long walk probably won’t happen until the winds clear the valley this afternoon. But my Girl wants her kibbles and I want to get out into the garage and move a few more boxes around. I’ll probably spend some of my time this afternoon grinding old records and reducing that load. I also have my weekly chores to attend to.

I might be able to park my 4Runner in the garage this evening. That would be a first.

The image is a test shot made with a (new-to-me) Olympus Zuiko 35mm f2 manual focus lens. It’s not the sharpest lens in my collection, but it has interesting image quality and a fascinating bokeh.

I think my proposal is about done. It’s handed off to the administrative staff for processing. I’ll drive down to the office in a few minutes to pick up my mail, check in, sign things, and coordinate. Then I’ll drive to Carson City for a site walk before I write another proposal, probably pick up my geocache for today (to keep my streak going), and then return home to finish my day.

I’m tired after all the intense writing and coordination. I need to fall back and regroup, once again.

Yesterday I called one of my subcontractors to discuss his role in the proposal. I hadn’t talked to him in a couple-three years. I had to relate the loss of Wife, after all the grief-work that morning. It went pretty well for me. He was shocked and dismayed at my loss, but I was able to convey that her death was a good death. I mean that she wasn’t going to get better and that it was selfish of me to try to hang on to her just to have her physical presence. The lymphoma took her ability to interact long before it took her life.

I think he understood that.

After I finished my work on the proposal and supporting documents this morning, I paused and decided to put a new ebook-pdf on my iPad so I can read it. (It won’t work on my Kindle.) In the process of looking through my GoodReader library, I noticed a lot of fossils. So, I started cleaning them up. (This is one way for me to process/regroup after a big push on something.)

I found one of the articles on non-Hodgkins lymphoma I downloaded and read. Immediately, the anxiety and hopelessness of my feelings from that time returned. I recall so well what I thought and how I felt during my processing of the medical literature that dealt with Wife’s disease. I deleted the file — it’s no longer needed.

Now I need to examine and process my emotions. This is not a bad thing; it is important and appropriate for me to bring these feelings up and process them. I need to feel them if I’m going to heal. I need to share them to let them out so they can disappear into the air. (I visualize them as wisps of vapor that float away and dissipate.)

I suspect some folks won’t understand that. I’m confident that some of my colleagues have no idea. One of them went to far as to tell me “turn that frown upside down” one day. I think she meant well and probably thought she was encouraging. I restrained myself from blasting her or throwing something.

It reminds me of my clinical depression. Someone once told me “if you just had enough faith, God would heal you of this.” I didn’t strangle the person only because I didn’t have the energy. Of course, had I been healthy and had the energy, it wouldn’t have been an issue. (There is a conundrum for you!)

Now I’m going to take a break before I head off to get the next thing done.

I got a number of chores done the last couple of days. More stuff went to Goodwill and FISH and some in the trash. I took a bunch of recyclables to the transfer station. I got my grocery shopping done and my laundry is nearly done.

The wind shifted late this afternoon. The smoke plume from the Rim Fire is not passing directly over my house this evening. The Girl and I took a longer walk this evening. It was a good evening to walk, if a little windy. The temperature is absolutely gorgeous and I love it. I can tell we’re heading for fall soon.

I’ll be glad when they get the fire out and we regain our wonderfully clear skies. I hate the smell of smoke and the falling ash we’ve had the last few days. I can only imagine what it must be like for the firefighters. I pray for their safety and for those folks with homes and businesses down that way. It’s got to be a tough time.

Now it’s about time for the old man to hit the rack. I have work in the morning and we’re going to be crashing on a proposal tomorrow.

I worked at home again today for most of the day. I woke really early this morning, took my medications (supplements, really), and sat down at the computer. I think a dream woke me, which isn’t unusual these days. I dream about weird things… I suppose I’m still processing all that’s happened this year.

I went back to bed after puttering a little. I needed the sleep and knew it would be an intense day. I was right.

I started not long after I woke, even before properly being coffee’d up. It didn’t matter. There were people looking for my input on this big proposal, so I helped. I took a break about 0800 to shower and feed myself. I offered the Girl a short walk. But, on opening the door, she said “Nope!” and sat down. I could no coax her outside. So, I went back to work.

I busted my ass on this proposal, writing all morning and into the noon hour. I took another short break for lunch, then a short nap, then got back after it. About 1400 I thought I should drive down to Minden. The Girl still didn’t want to go out, but came out and jumped into the 4Runner when I opened the car door.

We did our duty at the office and I got some things cleaned up that had been hung fire most of the week. Then we headed for home, pausing only briefly to read a state historical marker or two and capture a geocache to maintain my streak for this month.

The find was a good one and took me to a crossing of the Pony Express Trail where it went over the old Kingsbury Grade. This was a cool find and I enjoyed reading the history posted there. The Girl sniffed around a bit while I logged my find and we returned home. Before we left, I paused to make the capture with my iPhone. Sometimes it’s the right tool for the job — particularly when it’s the only tool at hand.

Now it’s time to settle down. I cut up some more fresh peaches to have with some ice cream. Again, I have no picture because I ate my dessert instead of photographing it. So sue me…

I suppose tomorrow we’ll go hunt for a replacement phone for Young Son. He went for an inadvertent swim yesterday and lost the backlight to his iPhone. I’ve been threatening to buy an Android device for awhile. I think it’s time to experience something other than iOS for awhile.

Young Son is also celebrating the completion of his first job. He got through it, learned a lot, made a few bucks, and will start college on Monday. I’m proud of him.

Holy cow! This morning started out normally for this time of year — a nice, cool summer morning with promise to be in the mid-80s in the afternoon.

I went to the dentist this morning for the installation of my crown-bridge appliance. Of course, my teeth are quite sensitive and I couldn’t do it without some anesthesia. That just makes adjusting the bite more difficult. But my teeth are unhappy and it had to be done.

Then we learned that the appliance was not correctly fabricated. Even with the adjustments, I was sent home with the temporary back in place so that the permanent appliance can be returned to the laboratory and adjusted.

I left the dentist’s office and drove over to the office to take care of a couple of tasks that needed my direction, then drove home. I retrieved a geocache along the way to continue my streak. It was an easy find and intended to be a park-and-grab, which it was.

Once home I took a couple of ibuprofen and an acetaminophen for my angry teeth and started some brunch. My sleep was weird last night — I woke about 0300, took my medications (the rabbitbrush is blooming and irritating my allergies), then returned to bed. I was able to go back to sleep but then didn’t wake in time to cook breakfast.

Brunch was good… I made a fried-egg sandwich. I love the peppery-taste of fried eggs with a bit of cheese and a smidge of Miracle Whip to give it some tang. I toast my bread lightly. I suppose a strip of bacon would make it better and might have to do that next time.

I was hungry and it was good.

I noticed that the sky was darkening during the afternoon. Young Son called me to determine whether Genoa had been ordered to evacuate. He told me he appeared to be surrounded by smoke. I could only identify the Bodie fire. It worsened as the afternoon wore on. When I took the Girl on a short walk to retrieve our mail, she didn’t want to go outside. I think she senses something isn’t right.

She’s right… There is a lot of smoke in the air. Now there is a fine ash falling as well.

While retrieving the mail, I stopped to make an image at one of my favorite places close to the house. Normally I can see the Carson Range in the background. That is not the case today. Even the sun is clouded by the smoke and ash.

It reminds me of the worst days on the south high plains of Texas. When the dust blew, this is what it looked like. It smelled differently, but looked the same.

Edit: I learned the fire is near Yosemite, not Bodie or Mammoth Lakes. It’s still out of control and is pretty big. But it’s not a danger to us here.

I need to get my images off my camera and onto my computer where I can use them. Maybe I’ll do that tonight.

We got home from Seattle about 0000 hours Monday morning. It took me a bit to settle down. We were up early Monday morning to get breakfast and get the kids ready for their trip home.

We got away on time and were able to visit the travel bug hotel near the Reno airport. I dropped the TBs I picked up in Oregon and the kids enjoyed pawing through the TBs in the hide.

Satisfied, we humped it back to the car, retrieved their gear, and the Girl and I saw them to the terminal. It was too soon to say goodbye, but life goes on. I watched them enter the terminal.

The Girl and I turned back to the car, exited the parking area, paid our bill, and drove home.

I spent the remainder of the day recovering from the hard Sunday. We did 800 miles Sunday and I started out tired. It was not smart, but it was what had to be done. In the end, no harm was done and we had a great time visiting Seattle and the geocaching event there. It was something I’ve never done before and I enjoyed the experience. It was a unique opportunity for the kids as well.

Now I’m recovering from the week of leave. I’m getting my feet back under me and starting to be productive again. I need to be because I have a big proposal due soon.

I got secure shell (SSH) working on my new host. One of the advantages of using a linux server/host is that the ssh protocol is supported. That means I can setup a virtual drive that connects to my website via secure ftp (sftp) and treat my host as an extension of my Mac’s (BSD unix) filesystem.

I like this… I like this a lot!

So, I was able to copy an (old) archive of my “professional” web site (Shelob’s Lair) to my host. The domain name already points to a subdirectory on my new hosting site. So now, Shelob’s Lair is once again live.

This is a good thing. Now if I can recover my edits from the last version I have locally. I’m still praying my old host comes through with my data. I’m not holding my breath.